In 2020, I had a hard summer.
Lots of issues, problems, challenges. But for some reason, I was able to be there for myself.
For the first time in life, I felt that I finally became my best friend.
So, it was time: I concluded that I wanted to mark this moment and marry myself.
Because it is an act of commitment. Committing to be responsible for yourself, committing to loving yourself, committing to holding yourself accountable before all things.
My philosophy also was that, if I officially marry someone else, our marriage would be about holding each other accountable for the commitments we did to ourselves during our self-weddings. In short: your partner becomes your best accountability partner.
How I did it
The self-wedding day was in three parts.
- First, I did an unofficial ceremony with three of my best friends, whereby one took the role of the priest and two others the roles of the witnesses. During this ceremony, which I publish below, I officially committed to myself in different ways.
- Then, I got a tattoo on my ring finger - a way to remember my own commitments towards myself.
- Finally, I invited around 15 of my closest friends to an evening party, where I gave a speech thanking everyone one at a time for how they impacted me. I believe we are the product of our environment and I'm eternally grateful for people to have shaped to become who I am today.
That's it - super simple. And then, I went onto my honeymoon phase (joke) 😉
My Commitments to Myself
This was the text that was read by my friend who took on the role of the priest and then supported by my two witnesses, my two other friends. While the priest chose the opening text, it was me who chose the commitments that I wanted to speak outloud to myself.
For inspiration, I actually took the religious Christian text for wedding but tweaked it. For example, the original mentions about that the spouse gathered here after making a hard decision, so I changed it to make sure that this has been a decision out of lightness.
I also made it fun, especially since I believe that life shouldn't be taken too seriously.
So, here is the original text from that day:
Priest: We are gathered here to unite this one weird person in marriage. His decision to marry has been entered into lightly and today he privately declares his devotion to himself. Having known him for years, I wasn’t sure if that would ever happen, but I guess he overcame his own self quicker than he would have expected.
To all their guests, they are happy to share this moment with you. They have known you for many years. You watched him grow up, you went to college with him, you ate a burned pulpo, you traveled the world together, you shared sexy moments with them. And I mean THEM.
And so it is that Gui present himself to be married today…surrounded by the people he loves.
The essence of this commitment is the acceptance of himself in entirety, as lover, companion, and friend. A good and balanced relationship is one in which no part of self is overpowered nor absorbed by the other, one in which neither part of self is possessive of the other, one in which both give their love freely and without jealousy. Good luck with that.
Marriage, ideally, is a sharing of responsibilities, hopes, and dreams. It takes a special effort to grow by yourself, survive hard times, and be loving and unselfish.
Do you pledge to share your live openly with yourself, and to speak the truth in love? Do you promise to honor and tenderly care for one yourself, cherish and encourage yourself, stand with yourself, through sorrows and joys, hardships and triumphs for all the days of your life?
Gui: I do.
Priest: Do you pledge to share your love and the joys of your marriage with all those around you, so that they may learn from your love and be encouraged to grow in their own lives?
Gui: I do.
Friend #1: And now, repeat after me.
I, Gui, promise to love and support myself.
Friend #2: I, Gui, promise to be my best friend at all times.
Friend #1: I, Gui, promise to live life with lightness, humor and playfulness.
Friend #2: I, Gui, promise to honor my truth and speak it out.
Friend #1: I, Gui, promise to approach life with compassion and a quest for understanding.
Friend #2:: I, Gui, do not live with a gap between who I want to be and who I am.
Friend #1: I, Gui, prioritise my own well-being over the well-being of others, because that’s the only way I can be my highest self to them.
Friend #2: I, Gui, stand up for what I believe is right and choose the fights that are worth fighting.
Friend #1: I, Gui, live my life for myself, in order to serve others.
Friend #2: I, Gui, listen to my own body and emotions as the ultimate source of truth.
Friend #1: I, Gui, live my life in honesty to myself and others.
Friend #2: I, Gui, do not judge myself and only evaluate myself on whether I gave my best.
Friend #1: I, Gui, strive to not take things personally and to strive for perspective.
Friend #2: I, Gui, stand up for my needs, in order to be my most grounded and loving self.
Friend #1: I, Gui, treat myself and other with the highest intentions in mind.
Friend #2: I, Gui, step up for myself, especially in times of hardship.
Friend #1: I, Gui, will stand up for my values and optimize my life for integrity.
Friend #2: I, Gui, will hold others to my own standards, and stand up for the people I love.
Friend #1: I, Gui, will practice extreme ownership as my default state through life.
Friend #2: I, Gui, will only rise in love, and catch myself before the act of falling.
Friend #1: I, Gui, will remain a fucking monkey for the rest of my life.
Priest: Go now in peace and live in love, sharing the most precious gifts you have - the gifts of your life united with yourself. And may your days be long on this earth.
I now pronounce you a fucking badass. You may not kiss your forearm, but go get your tattoo. And hug your friend for being awesome.
That's it. Then, I went on to make my tattoo and the official ceremony with friends.
PS: As I can't divorce myself, I can share with you - now three years into my self-wedding - that we've had our ups and downs, but overall, every year is getting better 😄